The Worry List

Yesterday I took a walk where days earlier I would have snowshoed through deep snow. Warm temperatures and rain have taken most of the snow. The sun feels like spring. I again walked to Chapin and Brianne's house, a building in progress. I walk through every room envisioning it as a home. I stand at an upstairs window and look out at a yard and imagine the lives that will someday center in that home. I worry. I wish.I dream and I despair. My walks are such an emotion of all that. I often make a worry list trying as I put my concerns in writing to see the problem clearer. I sometimes put remarks beside the worry putting it in perspective.Once a month I meet with a group of dear friends. The group began seven years ago and evolved into what we call the 82 Moms. We all had babies in 1982 and while we do not exclude others it has just worked out that the core group of us all have that status. We are a group of middle aged woman and we gather to laugh , sometimes to cry and to support each other as we journey along this road called life. Some have lost children, have lost a husband, have gone through divorce, have battled cancer, have lost sibling or parents, have elderly parents, have celebrated grandchildren, long for grandchildren. A common thread is worry, a mother's worry and concern for her children and the family she heads. Oh what a gift and what a burden. We carry our loved ones with us always. We always eat and every month the hostess outdoes herself providing tasty treats. As we fill up our plates there are often remarks made about eating too much, watching our weight, self restraint. Several times yesterday amid talk of illness, early death, and suffering the comment was made that we should just eat up and enjoy. When thinking of that it again brings home the lesson I try to learn every day but somehow keep having to be re-taught. Worry gets us nowhere. Life is fraught with sorrow, with problems , with the difficulties of being alive. In most cases no amount of worry changes that. This wonderful group of women is such a picture of life and such a illustration of the beauty and bounty it provides. The months go quickly like the blink of an eye. We always marvel that it is time again to meet. We spend two or three hours in each others presence and come away thankful and mindful of what we truly have been given. We eat from the table of friendship and fill our bellies and our souls. A lot of years have passed since 1982 and we fill a room with experience . We know not what the next years have in store for us but it is safe to say it will bring more suffering and challenges. No amount of worry will alter that but friends and afternoons of laughter and good food will certainly make it easier along the way.